First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
