I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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