You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
