I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
