Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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