The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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