Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
