if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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