i permit you to call me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
