literally had 100 drinks last night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Your penis caused this!
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