Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
