You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
