chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
