you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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