I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
