I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
