She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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