also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
