my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
