i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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