she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just invented taco cereal.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
