capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
