Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He? As in you personified your dick?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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