Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
smell my finger.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The air was thick with penises
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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