Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
