I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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