he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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