i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
