I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
