I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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