i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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