so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
