dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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