Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Its about making memories worth repressing
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You are the jesus of drinking
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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