dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
