Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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