last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
