i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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