I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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