mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
