I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
