I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
