I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
