i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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