Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
