I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
