I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
