that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
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