Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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