He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
