I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
