I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dicks are not precious.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
